Our Boutique Hotel Isn’t Like Other Boutique Hotels
We make our margaritas with mezcal instead of tequila—no other boutique hotel is really doing that.
Published on Points In Case // 08.05.2024
Straight Male Friendships:
A Definitive Hierarchy
Only when determined to be A Good Dude or A Pretty Good Dude, will This Dude I Know become My Buddy.
Published on Points In Case // 01.16.2023
The 5 Stages of Grief Automated Voice Message System
Sorry, I didn’t get that: Are you experiencing ANGER because of the redundancy of this automated system or because you are in the second stage of grief known as ANGER?
Published on Weekly Humorist // 08.23.22
Guy Who's Been Going to the Gym for One Week Answers Your Questions
Do ‘some of these’ and ‘some of those’ — whatever that means to you.
Published on Points In Case // 01.20.22
Your Password Has Been Leaked, But It’s Chill
Definitely cringe, but as a tech startup that is not part of the Federal Reserve System, we’re kind of impressed. Seriously, this hack was lit.
Published on Points In Case // 09.16.2021
The Real Victim of This Tragedy Is My Artisanal Wares
What we need now is healing, and the best way to do that is through the power of kitschy doodads and ornamental knicknacks.
Published on Robot Butt // 06.11.2021
THTR 402: Intro to the Corporate Workplace for Theater Majors
In this course you will learn several performance techniques for entertaining a corporate day job “just to pay the bills for now.”
Published on Points In Case // 05.18.2021
We, The Deep State, Concede That All Your Conspiracy Theories Are True
In 1960 at our Annual Goat Blood-A-Palooza & Family Fun Day, we saw a vision of you, the chosen one. We knew you, and you alone, had been bestowed with the unmatched intellect to bring down our secret organization. We’ve been trying to sabotage you ever since.
Published on Points In Case // 10.02.2020
I’m The Candle In Your Bathroom, And I’m Having A Meltdown
I deserve better than this. I’m elegant. I’m refined. I was handcrafted in Vermont, you barbarian.
Published on Points In Case // 08.30.20
I’m Your Platonic Male Friend And I Think You Should Get Back Out There
Besides, Brice was a real jerk. Remember how he freaked out on Valentine’s Day? All I did was come to your apartment and hand you a dozen roses while a curated group of my most talented students sang “My Girl” a capella by candlelight.
That’s tradition, I’ve been doing it for years!
Published on Little Old Lady // 07.20.20
I'm the Lean Cuisine That's Been in Your Freezer for 3 Months
I’ve sat here freezing for months as you’ve past me over for meat-lovers pizzas and even a pint of ice cream—for dinner. I won’t shame you for that, it’s not my place. No, my place is to be an evolutionary step above paper. My role is to technically be food.
Published on Points In Case // 04.13.20
All My Friends Secretly Hate Me… I Think
They say they “have my back” and “want me to be the best man in their wedding,” but do I really know my friends? Well, my friends know me and I’m sure they wish they didn’t.
Published on Little Old Lady // 03.26.20
My Kink Is Regular Sex
Having sex turns me on, and I don’t care if society doesn’t “get it”—sex just feels good to me, ok?!
Published on Points In Case // 03.15.20
I’m Not A Total Psycho, But I Need You To Text Me Back Immediately
Soooo I’m not one of those controlling, *psycho* guys or anything but I need you to text me back immediately after I text you. I don’t think that’s too much to ask, especially since we’ve been casually dating for almost two full weeks.
Published on Little Old Lady // 01.22.20
The First Baptist Church Christmas Eve Service 2019: Presented By Verizon Wireless
Believers, tonight I bring you good news of unlimited talk and text to the Creator of the universe, powered by America’s best 5G network.
Published on Points In Case // 12.23.19
Operation: Keep An Eye On Your Mailbox
Hi everyone—keep an eye on your mailbox, wedding invitations are in the mail!
You know what that means: IT’S GO TIME, MOTHERF%CKERS.
Published on Little Old Lady // 11.20.19
To: The Lord RE: Your Mysterious Ways
Upper management has been attempting to quell frustration here on the ground floor by saying, “The Lord works in mysterious ways.” Well I for one think that You should not.
Published on Points In Case // 11.05.19
I Hate My Job, But If You’re Looking We’re Hiring Right Now
I know how stressful the job hunt can be: I was in your shoes six months ago when I gave up on my ambitions and self-worth for this job.
Published on Little Old Lady Comedy // 10.23.19
I Did My Part to Fight Climate Change This Week by Reading Five Headlines About It
Did I actually read any of the articles? Trust me, I was absolutely outraged when I read the headlines so I didn’t even need to.
Published On Robot Butt // 10.09.19
Should I Buy a Jacket at This Vintage Clothing Store or Retire Before I Turn 80?
At some point I’m going to have to come to terms with my wanton buying behavior, but given the cozy yet snug confines of this jacket, I just don’t know if today is that day.
Published On Robot Butt // 09.24.19
God Has Put It on My Heart to Ask You Out for Coffee This Weekend and Then to Marry Me in Six Months*
I really don’t know how else to describe it except to call it a miracle.
Published On Robot Butt // 09.09.19
*This was the most-read post on Robot Butt in 2019!
Despite Advice in My 8th Grade Yearbook, I Did Not "Stay Kewl"
While I may have followed through on other aspirations like having a “GR8 Summer” and “hittin’ up the pool or sumthin',” I did not take your edifying advice to stay my authentic, off-the-hook self.
Published on Points In Case // 08.28.19
Timeline of the Socially Anxious Navigating a Summer BBQ
A minute-by-minute guide to leaving a party in an hour.
Published on Points In Case // 07.13.19
Thank You for Your Grace in Accepting My Debit Card, Though My Purchase was Below the Card Minimum
To my delight you weren’t like other bartenders who have been so cold, unsympathetic, and ignorant of the Dodd-Frank Wall Street Reform and Consumer Protection Act.
Published on Points In Case // 07.05.19
To All My Friends Still In Your 20s, Get With the Times
Being in your 20s was my thing, and honestly, it’s a little awkward that you’re trying to live out a trend that ended almost two full years ago.
Published on McSweeney’s // 6.10.19
Watch the video version performed by Meaghan Strickland and Tim Lamphier!